Brent (the aforementioned amazing husband) and I started doing a devotional together (yeah, you know you're jealous of the intimacy). At the end of today's reading it said: "Knowing that God uniqely created me, what areas of my personality, background, and phsycial appearance am I struggling to accept?".......
BBBBBBBahahahahaha... How about, like, everything!
You know its funny, because I have been having these pep talks with myself about myself lately (yes, I know I'm slightly narcissistic). Since I've started grad school I've been learning about myself, and there are alot of things about me I didn't know. There are many days that I feel like I'm unlikeable for one reason or another, and being unliked sits really poorly with me. I have learned that I am occasionally tactless, excruciatingly talkative, endlessly passionate, undyingly compassionate, occasionally a heel, motherly, optimistic, on and on and on and on.
I feel like a lot of people either love me or hate me, its either "Christina overload" or "Christina just what I needed". I remember growing up and kids calling me "weird". I recently was caught off guard when I found a card sent from a class mate in highschool that said, "Christina, some day you'll surprise us all". In retrospect this sounds like, "hey Christina, you're a dork, but you may turn out ok, and wow will we be surprised!" Haha.
Admittedly, I am silly. I have always been the funny girl in the pretty girl crowd. I ooze personality, and some people don't care to be oozed on. And some people don't like unfiltered honesty.
Here's what you don't know though (I shouldn't say that maybe, some of you may know this). Is that I was made this way for a reason. I believe beyond a shadow of doubt that, that which is in my personality that has conspired against me to seem "quirky", is ACTUALLY part of a great design, and a great purpose. I believe my passion will be used for big things, my compassion to spread the big things around, my talkativeness to deliver a message, my tactlessness to confront falsehood. Sure, I could use some refinement. I'm not perfect, and I could use A LOT of growth. However, to the individuals that I will "surprise someday", I say "why?" All this... this package right here... is a purposeful design.
"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; you love, O Lord, endures forever -do not abandon the works of your hands." Psalms 138:8... and then you might as well read Psalms 139 while you're there ;)
